you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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