you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
