So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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