so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How naked do you want me to be?
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