tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Randomize
