I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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