How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
