I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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