How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
