i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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