i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
