this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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