THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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