Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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