Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
