Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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