Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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