Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
