i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my liver is dry heaving
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
false alarm, still single
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