So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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