Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
