Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
