Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
