Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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