I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
