he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
