ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
