Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
