Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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