atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize