May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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