I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
