Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize