so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
