the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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