for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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