Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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