Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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