Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
