Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
