i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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