I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
