On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
