I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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