i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
