i barfeds in our rink
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
