There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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