i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
