Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.