I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.