i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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