Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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