I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
