she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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