I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
