Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.