the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"