If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.