can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.