I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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