I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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