My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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